summer happened so fast

Just a thought...

alright so for some odd reason I want to write something nothing profound or anything but just to write and let out some of my thoughts cause I think I really neeed it. So there so many thoughts in my head right now and not to let the world in to the twisted wonderland called my mind but here I go.Ok so my birthday was not to long ago and I started to think about the year and how much I have changed and how much things have changed. I will admit I have done somethings I'm not so proud of but at the same time I would not change a thing cause it's what makes me, me. Next thought I had a job but it was the worst job I have ever had like the people where mean and there were groups and if you ever spoke your own mind everyone would hear about how you talked back and by the time the rumor got back to me it was ten times worse then what actually happened. Next there was this guy that I ran into after a couple months of losing contact with him we hit it off like there was no space in between but that slowly faded once again I don't miss him let me get that very clear but I do miss the kind things like when we would stop and just look and each other and smile and like when we would be sitting here he would grab my hand and the odd time he would hold a little tighter and when we would lay there he would kiss my nose or my forehead and tell me that I was pretty I miss those things lot sometimes but the thing that get to me the most is how it just stopped it's not like we plan it but it's always happens this way we just stopped.Next aright so things arent going great but they aren't going bad either but even when things start to get better and it looks like everything is going so well I'm ALWAYS waiting for the ball to drop the glass to break the milk to spill idk it's like that's all that ever happens to me it's like i'm soo happy and everything is just perfect and then BAM just like that it's all over and everything is a mess and it's just like WHHAAAT just happened!!!Next I look around and it's like everyone is a couple and I'm just alone BUT I DON"T WANT A BOYFRIEND I actually really enjoy being single like I love being single it's great but like that song said "everybody needs somebody sometimes"! I think that song was made for me lol jk but seriously.Next I sometimes feel like I don't have anyone to talk to like i'm all alone like not a person in the world cares about me but I know it's not true but it's just a feeling thats been coming over or a while now.I've also been having a lot a nightmares about a car accident I have a while back and I'm getting that feeling that something is gonna happen like something bad this feeling is a heavy weight on my chest that I'm not sure what to think about it I really just hope I'm wrong about my feelings. Next I can't take it she's driving me crazy it's just like SHUT UP sometimes I mean I love her I do she's great but sometimes it's just like please stay away from me some days I just sit there and scream inside a bit.Next I'm really trying to be a good person I know i'm no saint that's forsure but i'm really trying to change for the better. Well I think that's it for now I'm sure there will be more because I actually feel alot better now like everything is kinda off my chest and outta my head for now anyways.

What if?

Every now and then I stop and think what if...
what if I said something different
what if I would of fixed my hair
what if I would of just laughed at that joke
what if I never told you what I thought about the situation
what if I smiled a little more
what if I would of just gave in
what if I told you how much fun I was having
what if I would of held you a little longer
what if? ....